An Assassin's Worst Day
by skullanddog
Summary: A highly experimental retake of Red Eye from Jackson's perspective, via Twitter.


**An Assassin's Worst Day**

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_A/N:_ What follows in a highly experimental foray into the world of Twitter, essentially _Red Eye_ from Jackson's perspective. Man, I laughed in that movie. It really was just a terrible day for him. I had some trouble with the formatting when translating this to a story, namely the at symbols, so please forgive the use of _AT _in their place. Also, the _at_ handle is missing from the jackrip address. Aaaandddddd... enjoy! Let me know what you think!

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**JackRip **_jackrip_

Delayed at DAL as usual. Holding out for sunny Miami.

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**JackRip **_jackrip_

Still delayed. This biatch has a lot to answer for forcing me here.

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

First sight of Daddy's girl. She's so pretty. Wish I didn't have to do this. Life is so unfair. I'll do this last hit and retire.

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**JackRip **_ jackrip_

Lol jk.

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

I luv killin

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

Yes! Still in baggage reg. Right behind Daddy's girl. What should I say...?

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

Ha! Congrats, asshole. Doc at head of line chewed out air staff. I stepped in to defend staff. Daddy's girl v. impressed.

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

Bitch turned down my offer for a drink!

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

_AT_SilverBullet srsly dude I'm never getting out of this airport.

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

Drowned myself in Old Spice. Must have worked. Daddy's girl is coming this way!

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

May have overdone it on the Old Spice. Daddy's girl forgot what drink she liked. Made me look stupid. Grr. Keep smiling, Jackson. :#

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

Daddy's girl left. Had to make "calls". I know the truth. She fears my powerful man aura.

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

Finally! On plane. Cheers _AT_MadDog making hit on 18F at last minute. Nice arrangement. Daddy's girl should be here any moment.

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

Aaaaaaand the eagle has landed.

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

"What a coincidence, tee hee hee ha!"

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

Hnn. Asked to shunt bags. Do I look like a doorman to you, lady?

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**JackRip ** jackrip

Note to self: kill Dr Phil.

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

Daddy's girl is afraid of flying. How cute. 3 Take it easy, girl... now...

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

BOOM! Just like that. Yep, believe it, girl. This is Your Life, presented to you by Your Daddy is a Dead Man.

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

Good Daddy's Girl agreed to everything. Wish she would stop crying. Tears put me off my airline peanuts.

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

You gotta be kidding me. What could you possibly want out of your bag mid-flight, you harpy wench?

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

Relax, Jacks, it's all going to plan...

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

Wait! What's that she's got?

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

_AT_DrPhil: Imma kill you.

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

_AT_DrPhil: with kittens on top.

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

Knocked that biatch out cold. She can sleep while I pay my bills online. Might have a talk to the old lady while I'm at it.

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

Old lady agreed it would be better if I were to retain possession of Dr Phil's masterpiece. I'll bludgeon him with it.

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

lol _AT_airhostesses "sir must turn off all mobile devices while plane is in the air." lol! As if. How else could I tweet?

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

Yeah lady, I heard you. I'll go live in the woods with the bears, too. That primitive enough for you?

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

Daddy's girl is awake. Read to her from Dr Phil. Some of this advice isn't too bad. Hmm.

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

_AT_DrPhil: jk. I really will beat you to death with your own self-help book.

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

Oops. Daddy's girl needs to go bathroom. Ha! Hold it.

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

She threatened to pee on me. Gross. She can go.

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

Was gonna watch her. Got message from electric co. saying my savings account was overdrawn. Fuu.

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

_AT_CarolineRippner: stop bleeding me. I'm a hit man, for chrissake, and I still can't support your maintenance costs.

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

_AT_CarolineRippner: I dunno, buy less freaking shoes, maybe?

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

Cancel the domestic. Daddy's girl is still in bathroom. Outta the way, curious little girl. I'm going in!

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

Curious little girl kinda reminds me of my girl. Oh Lucy. Why don't you speak to Daddy any more?

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

Damn it! While I'm getting sentimental, Daddy's girl is writing nasty things about me in the bathroom!

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

A bomb on 18F indeed. How original.

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

_AT_SilverBullet: Daddy's girl and I need to have a serious chat.

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

_AT_SilverBullet: as tempting as that is, bustin caps in Daddy's ass now will only screw us over.

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

This girl just won't stop lying to me... come on, my man-ray vision can see right through you!

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

Oh thank f*&#. Bitch made the call. Maybe when Mr Secretary Dick is dead and I'm paid, life will be better.

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

That reminds me, rent is overdue.

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

Car repayments overdue.

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

Must do grocery shopping soon to keep self alive.

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

_AT_CarolineRippner: CAN'T YOU SEE WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME?!

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

_AT_DeathTorpedo: is everything in place?

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

_AT_DeathTorpedo: lol wish I could see it. BOOM, man!

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

_AT_SilverBullet: let her make the call to see he's safe and then kill him anyway. rofl.

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

Okay! Landing. This job is finally looking up.

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

Ahh Miami. 3

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

Waiting for this harpy to ask me for bag help again.

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

Waiting...

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

):[-] STABBED! The bitch stabbed me!

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

WHO STABS A MAN IN THE NECK WITH A PEN!

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

I could DIE, ya know?

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

Curious little girl tripped me in the aisle. Just like my Lucy used to do... both the pain and the memory brings a tear to my eye.

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

Ripped pen from my throat. Seriously! WTF, girl?

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

Running is harder after an emergency oesophagoscopy.

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

_AT_SilverBullet: be on lookout, she's coming. Grabbed a car, I'll be right there.

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

_AT_SilverBullet: Silver?

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

Out in the 'burbs. See _AT_SilverBullet's car, no Silver.

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

Ohmygod Silver! You witch! _AT_SilverBullet had a new baby daughter, ya know?

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

We were poker buddies, ya know? We went through hit man school together!

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

R.I.P. _AT_SilverBullet. The most I can do now is avenge you.

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

Daddy's girl is here, I know it. Managed to knock out Daddy. I might beat him to death with Dr Phil's body.

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

Whoohoo, Daddy's girl!

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

Wish I could speak to tell this broad how much I want to slap her.

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

Ouch! Hit every one of those stairs on the way down...

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

Ow! Ow! A hockey stick? REALLY? Now you're going to pummel me to death with a HOCKEY STICK?

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

I oughta've taken the bears in the woods... ow.

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

Jesus Christ almighty. I've nearly got her. Nearly! I can hear the cops. The mission might have failed. But I've got her.

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

_AT_CarolineRippner: whaddaya mean killing one innocent girl won't pay the child support?! I can't even pay my rent, let alone your child suppo

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

rt, you money-grabbing harridan, you witch of the soul, you foul demon from the most wretched depths of hell!

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

I haven't been this sore since I lost that match against MadDog. Hope I can keep it together enough to make an escape.

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

Oh, shit. Daddy's got the gun-

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

Don't do it, man!

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

Lucy.

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

...

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

Third day in hospital, first day I've been able to move my fingers. Can't believe Daddy missed my heart.

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

Just saw the medical bill. Why couldn't Daddy have killed me?

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

Anyone know a good lawyer? And by good I mean free.

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

Anyone?

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**JackRip ** _jackrip_

Sigh.

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_A/N:_ Love/ hate it? Let me know. :)


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